“Don’t ever become a pessimist… The pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events”, said Robert Anson Heinlein. Of course, it is not about cultivating naive optimism, but normally, seeing only the more negative side of life doesn’t help.
Positive thoughts, with all of its loyal followers and detractors, does consist in repeating a number of positive statements to counteract the recurrent negative and anxious thoughts. It is a much deeper transformation of attitude that involves being able to detect our destructive thoughts, those that worsen the situations, and be able to assume a more constructive attitude that will benefit us.
Positive thinking encourages action, makes us proactive people who take on the responsibility of their lives. On the contrary, a negative attitude based on destructive thoughts stops us in suffering, enclosing us in a vicious circle. That is why it is important to pay attention to the thoughts that act as vampires while sucking our energy and our positivity.
Thoughts that block you and keep you from growing
In a sense, these destructive thoughts are a sort of psychological torture that we apply to ourselves.
1. Deprivation thought
We are all victims of the deprivation thought, so it is the first “mental vampire” we need to get rid of if we want to develop a more positive attitude.
In practice, we have this thinking every time we focus on what we have lost, what we could lose or what we could have had. It is clear that this type of thinking only generates suffering, it means noting only that the glass is half empty, without realizing that is also half full.
The problem of this kind of thinking is that it leads us to concentrate exclusively on the loss, so we will not be able to see the new opportunities. If we continue to cry for the lost love, we will never be ready to start a new relationship that can give us so many beautiful things.
Likewise, if in a relationship we only think that we can lose that person, we end up developing a crazy jealousy that will eventually suffocate the other person and put it away from us.
From any perspective we observe it, the deprivation thought gives us nothing interesting and positive, but condemns us to a circle of complaints and self-pity.
2. Denial thought
The second “mental vampire” in which we come across often is the denial thought, and is one of the worst because we are normally unaware of its existence. However, this thought convinces us that we can not achieve a certain goal or live certain experiences. It is a limit that we set ourselves, condemning us to stay in our comfort zone, where we are not happy but we are limited to surviving.
The curious aspect is that this thinking is not ours, but we have been introjected it from our parents, teachers or directly from society. For example, if we think that we need an important initial capital to start a business, we will never come forward with our idea. The main problem is that this thinking stops us, so we will not even look for alternative solutions to realize our dream or project.
Likewise, if we unconsciously think that we are not worthy of being loved or esteemed, we will sabotage all of our relationships, because it is easier to rely on signs that confirm our convictions rather than those who deny it.
The thought of denial is so strong that it turns into a kind of “psychological disability” that condemns us to remain in what we know and prevent us from growing.
3. Subtraction thougth
The last “mental vampire” among the most common is the subraction thought, though it would be more appropriate to call it the subtraction terror. This thought arises from the conviction that we must always have more because adding means success, while subtracting is synonymous of failure. However, being mature does not mean adding, but learning how to subtract.
The subtraction thought generates tremendous fear of having less and less, not being able to add continually. In this way, we run the risk of getting obsessed to have less than the others, be less happy, less loved, having fewer opportunities and of course earning less.
The problem is that this kind of thinking keeps us anxious and hyperactive, searching more and more, even if we do not know exactly what this “more” means. This thought generates the illusion that the sense of life is accumulation, and since we always need more, we are never satisfied. It’s as if we were a hamster running in a wheel that does not stop, until our own speed makes us dizzy.
But to find inner peace and be happy we just need to feel grateful for what we have, this does not mean that we must not set new goals but allow us the permission to be happy here and now as we head to the goal that we want to reach.
Change frequency and tune in with new thoughts
Everyone, sooner or later, is the victim of these negative thoughts that become obstacles to our development. We can consider them as the frequency of a radio. When you listen to a station that you do not like, you just have to change the frequency. The same applies to the negative thoughts that subtracts mental energy.
In their place you can put more realistic thoughts that will help you achieve your goals, set new goals or just be a little happier. In fact, they do not even need to be “positive thoughts”, it would be better to define them as “developing thoughts”. Of course, it is not enough to repeat positive mantras because we can not fool our mind so grossly.
First you have to start a self-discovery process that will let you know what the origin of those thoughts are, what are the wrong ideas that are at the basis and feed them. When you realize that these beliefs are not adaptive, do not make you happy and have no reason to be, your new positive thoughts will become your reality.
