Gestalt therapy is undoubtedly one of the most interesting therapies based on the principles it proposes, simply because each one contains a lesson that can be applied to everyday life.
The Most Important Principles of Gestalt Therapy
Talk with, not about or of: We are going to try to have permanent encounters. This means that we are not going to allow ourselves to talk “about anything or anyone,” whether they are present here or not. If they are, we will confront them directly; if not, we will also do so through the trick of imagining that they are.
Take responsibility: Something very important is accepting that I don’t do or say anything I don’t want to, not even by mistake. That what I feel, others feel, and I don’t try to figure out why it is that way. Furthermore, I can even affirm that if I am not responsible for what I feel, I am entirely responsible for what I say and do with what I feel. Just as I am not responsible for what I feel, since it arises spontaneously, neither is any other person.
Prioritize feeling over thinking: We don’t intend for you to stop thinking. We do want you to pay attention to what you feel. What you feel can be emotional or physical. Both have a location in the body. If you cannot locate an emotion in your body, you are not feeling it; you are thinking about it
Don’t judge: Try to stick to what you feel about someone. It’s absolutely impossible not to feel anything, but in any case, if you can’t register it, don’t change the situation by freely judging their good or bad qualities. It doesn’t help anyone, neither the person being judged nor yourselves, as you only manage to keep yourself detached from your own feelings.
Do not interpret: Interpreting is strictly prohibited. To interpret means to assume that one knows the motivations of others for doing or saying what they do or say. Most of us are unaware of most of the motivations behind what we do or say. What merit, then, is our prerogative to peer into other people’s lives?
Do not invade another’s psychic field: First and foremost, do not console, do not hug, do not say tender words, do not defend, in a situation where someone needs to be alone with their discomfort to connect with themselves. It is also interrupting, making faces at the other person to deflect their anger, preventing them from expressing what they feel.
Do not apologize: This is closely related to taking responsibility. If I attack you and then apologize, I don’t leave you free to attack me. I create a false situation. (Although sometimes apologizing is essential, so this principle should be applied with a lot of common sense).
Do not minimize: This is related to the previous guideline. It is not the same to say: “What you say makes me angry,” as to say: “I feel a little angry.” If it is a little, it is not worth mentioning, and if it is a lot, disguising it only serves to prevent the other person’s anger.
Don’t soften blows: The most frequent way to soften blows is to deliver a long speech full of circumlocutions, so that what I want to say slips in surreptitiously without being too noticeable. For example: “Sometimes, when I look at you, it seems to me that some of your attitudes aren’t as lucid as I think they could be.” What did you say? Nothing; the other person probably didn’t even grasp the meaning.
Don’t interrupt: Let’s try to note what detours we take to avoid doing something. For example, some people swallow repeatedly to avoid crying. Interrupting oneself is performing some kind of maneuver to prevent an emotion from running its full course, which resolves into action.
Don’t manipulate: Manipulation consists of expressing an order without frankness. It is a violation of the other person’s rights, as it prevents them from exercising their will freely, and they are generally trapped doing something without realizing whether they want to or not. The one who manipulates is not taking responsibility and is not risking their relationship with the other person
Obviously, applying the principles of Gestalt therapy requires a great deal of self-knowledge and a lot of confidence; therefore, it will be difficult to put them into practice at first. The key is not to despair and to gradually incorporate them into our daily lives.
Source:
Baranchuk, J. Z. (1996) Atención aquí y ahora. Abadon Ediciones: Argentina.
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