If you’ve ever tried to follow a diet, quit smoking, control your anger, or develop a new habit, you’ve probably realized how difficult it is. Usually, some resistance arises, acting as a wall that stands in our way. In fact, it’s this resistance that is primarily responsible for many of our best wishes never becoming reality.
On the one hand, there is our conscious mind, which wants to change and sets new goals and objectives, but on the other hand, there is our unconscious mind, which wants to remain unchanged, which does not want to change and which puts up a lot of resistance. Ambivalence coexists within us; we are passionate about change but, at the same time, we find it frightening.
What are psychological resistances?
Psychological resistances are mental obstacles that stand in the way of awareness. They are reactions that are activated automatically when it is necessary to recognize certain feelings or take an important step that leads to a change. They are triggered when a situation causes us tension because our unconscious believes that we are not sufficiently prepared to face it. This type of defense mechanism is then activated .
In other cases, psychological resistance is due to secondary gains; that is, the current situation brings us some advantages that we are not willing to lose. We cannot forget that, although disorders such as depression, anxiety or phobias are very limiting, they also bring us some advantages. For example, perhaps these problems have brought us emotionally closer to a person who is important to us and, deep down, we are afraid that when we overcome the disorder, that person will distance himself again and we will be left alone.
Secondary gains are not always conscious, as in many cases we do not want to acknowledge them. However, these ideas gain strength in the unconscious and generate resistance to change, whose mission is to ensure that the current state of things lasts. Psychological resistance not only prevents us from changing but also from realizing these hidden contents.
How do psychological resistances act?
Imagine that you have to present a very important project at work, but just before leaving home you notice that your child has a fever. You know that you are leaving him in good hands, but you still can’t get that worry out of your mind. So you will have to work harder than usual to concentrate and give a good presentation.
Resistances work in a similar way, they are like that worry that haunts your mind and prevents you from giving your best. However, the problem lies in that we are not aware of these resistances and, therefore, we blame them on other factors, such as our lack of ability. If we set a goal and we cannot achieve it, we may think that we do not have the necessary skills, which can affect our self-esteem and make us adopt a defeatist attitude. However, the real culprit of the “failure” could be a resistance. Thus, these not only steal our energy but also our self-confidence.
Resistances as treasures
“Know thyself ” is an ancient Greek aphorism that is probably the best psychological advice ever given. Resistances are not problems in the strict sense of the term, but rather opportunities to grow and get to know oneself better. Resistances can become a treasure, as long as we bring them to light.
Psychological resistances are a barrier to development when we persist in ignoring them, when we try to hide and deny them, acting as if they do not exist. However, it is enough to be aware of their existence to disarm them or, at least, reduce part of their negative impact.
In fact, recognizing our resistances gives us two fundamental advantages:
– We will have more energy to face change because the simple fact of discovering a resistance means that we begin to assimilate it and it stops stealing our energy, allowing us to focus on what we really want.
– We will be able to grow because we will no longer have those internal obstacles that previously limited us, that fed fear or kept us tied to the past. Remember that the main obstacle to achieving your goals is yourself.
At this point the question is: how to discover psychological resistances if they act below our awareness?
An exercise to discover psychological resistances
The main objective of this exercise is to look inside ourselves to find the main resistances that prevent us from moving forward. The idea is simply to be aware of their existence, in this way it is as if we were saying to them: “I know you exist but you have no power over me”. It is the equivalent of letting go of ballast in order to be able to move forward, faster and with less fatigue.
1. Find a quiet place, where no one will bother you and where there is no noise.
2. Sit down and breathe deeply. It is recommended that you practice diaphragmatic breathing or progressive muscle relaxation for 10 minutes . This way you will be more relaxed, your conscious mind will lower its guard and hidden contents will be able to flow more freely.
3. Look around you and talk about what is around you, but without judging, always using the terms “here” or “now.” For example, you can say “I am looking at my computer now .” This is a neutral sentence. However, you should not say “I am looking at my old/small computer now ” because this implies a judgment. Focus on the things around you. In this step, you learn to focus on the things themselves, not on your perception of them.
4. Once you have managed to describe what is around you without judging, move on to your sensations. Change the focus of your attention and concentrate on yourself. At first, it is easier to concentrate on physical sensations and later you can move on to sensations and emotions. For example, you can say to yourself “I feel angry now ”, but without making any judgments about it.
The interesting thing is that at the beginning there will be many judgments, it is something natural because we are used to judging and it is difficult for us to evaluate things without detaching ourselves from the meaning we have given them. However, the positive part is that each of these judgments probably hides a resistance. Therefore, at this point you should not repress them but experience them and then let them go. To eliminate resistance, the most intelligent thing is not to fight them but to give in to them, thus reducing their power over our behavior and decisions.
While you are feeling these resistances, focus on your body. You will probably notice some particular sensations, almost always in the area of your back, forehead or stomach. This is because psychological resistances are often somatized.
When you finish the exercise, write down the resistances and the sensations linked to them. After several sessions, you will notice that some resistances are repeated and expressed in the same way. In this way, the next time you set a goal and notice these sensations, you will know that there are some psychological resistances that act as obstacles. Find them and let them go.
With this exercise you will have turned resistance into your allies of change because, not only will you be able to continue moving forward, but you will have managed to know yourself better and increase your self-confidence.
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