Resilient thinking: the difference between sinking and rising

Everyone, absolutely everyone, goes through tough times. An unexpected layoff, a breakup, a medical diagnosis, a betrayal, a painful loss… And yet, the curious thing is that while some sink hopelessly, others manage to stay afloat and even emerge stronger. What makes the difference? It’s not always the magnitude of the problem. Often, it’s something more invisible but equally powerful: resilient thinking.

Why are some people “stronger” than others?

Your first response is likely to lead you to external causes, telling you, “He has more resources” or “He had more support.” Of course, circumstances matter. And we can’t ignore them. But there’s something deeper that influences how we react to adversity: our belief system and how we interpret what happens.

A classic 1979 study provided one of the first scientific clues. Researchers compared how healthy people and people with severe depression interpreted everyday events. The result?

As expected, people with depression didn’t have an objective view of reality but rather saw it through a gray prism. However, those with healthy cognitive functioning didn’t view their environment objectively either. These people had an optimistic bias, preferring emotional processing of positively valenced information.

The optimistic bias isn’t naivety or denial. It’s not about looking the other way or repeating empty phrases like “everything happens for a reason,” but rather choosing to focus on the positive aspects, even when we’re aware of all the negatives.

Imagine two people who lose their jobs. One collapses and feels like a failure. The other, after the initial shock, sees it as an opportunity to rethink their path. The difference lies in the type of thinking each one activates. And the good news is that resilient thinking can be trained through psychological techniques such as cognitive reappraisal.

Reassess: The Art of Changing the Emotional Script

Cognitive restructuring involves giving new meaning to what happens to us. It’s not about changing the event itself, but rather how we interpret it, a transformation that has a neurological basis.

In fact, researchers at Stanford University and Massachusetts Institute of Technology conducted a very interesting experiment in which they showed emotionally negative images to a series of participants. Some were asked to simply feel what the images provoked in them. Others were trained to “restructure” them—that is, to reinterpret them in a less painful way.

They found that those who practiced cognitive reappraisal showed less negative emotional burden and activated brain regions associated with memory, self-reflection, and emotional control. In other words, the brain was actively working to cushion the emotional blow.

In everyday life, that ability can make the difference between feeling like the world is collapsing or seeing a crack through which a little light shines.

“Thinking well” is not “thinking beautifully”

At this point, it’s important to clarify something so you don’t fall into the clutches of toxic optimism. All of this doesn’t mean you should force yourself to see the good in everything or put a smile on your face during dark days. There are difficult, unfair, and even traumatic situations that deserve to be mourned and processed. Pretending everything is okay isn’t healthy.

It’s not about that.

However, between denying the pain and living trapped in it, there’s a space for conscious thought. A space where you can ask yourself: Is there another way to look at this? What can I learn? How can I emerge stronger?

That’s the true power of thought in the face of adversity. It doesn’t make you a superhero or completely protect you from suffering, but it does give you the opportunity to play an active role in your story, even when things don’t go as you expected.

How to cultivate resilient thinking?

1. Practice reevaluation daily. Don’t wait until everything starts to fall apart. When something bothers or frustrates you in your daily life, try to find at least one alternative interpretation that doesn’t hurt as much. It doesn’t have to be perfect or optimistic, just more bearable.
2. Assume emotional distance. When you’re caught up in an intense emotion, imagine yourself as an outside observer. What advice would you give a friend if they were in your shoes? It’s about distancing yourself from what’s happening to you so you can think more clearly.
3. Mind your internal dialogue. The language you use with yourself matters because it can either trap you in a loop of negativity or, conversely, become a driving force for change. Therefore, try to change “this is a disaster ” to “this is difficult, but I can handle it.”
4. Avoid automatic catastrophizing. When things start going wrong, it’s normal to imagine the worst-case scenarios, but that doesn’t always help. On the contrary, it often only generates unnecessary anxiety. So, when you think “this is going to get worse” or “I’m not going to be able to do it,” ask yourself: What evidence do I have? Is this 100% true? What other things could happen? The goal is to avoid falling into catastrophic thinking that leaves no room for anything else.
5. Train your attention to detect what’s working. In difficult times, your attention goes straight to what’s failing. It’s as if your mind has a radar exclusively set to detect threats. But you can reprogram it by writing down three things at the end of the day that went well. Over time, your mind will become more adept at detecting opportunities, resources, and signs of progress, even in the midst of chaos.

Thought cannot do everything… but it can do a lot

Facing adversity isn’t easy. And we don’t all start from the same place. There are past wounds, traumas, and contexts that make the journey difficult. But just as we take note of everything that conspires against us, we should also pay attention to what works for us.

This will help us realize the power we truly possess. Obviously, resilient thinking won’t prevent pain, but it can lessen its intensity. It won’t prevent the fall, but it can soften the blow. And, in many cases, it can become the ladder that allows us to get back up.

So the next time life gets complicated, remember that you have the power to transform fear into courage, anger into strength, and sadness into purpose. Practice this skill because it could become your best ally in moving forward.

References:

Ochsner, K. N. et. Al. (2002) Rethinking Feelings: An fMRI Study of the Cognitive Regulation of Emotion. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience; 14(8): 1215–1229.

Alloy, L. B. & Abramson, L. Y. (1979) Judgment and contingency in depressed and nondepressed students: Sader but wiser? Journal of Experimental Psychology; 108: 441-485.