Maintaining a relationship sometimes involves making sacrifices and compromises. Sometimes we have to take a step back, restrict our freedom a bit, and make decisions based on our shared vision. All of this is normal; after all, if we want commitment, we must be willing to compromise.
In fact, to maintain a relationship over time, each person must be willing to sacrifice for the other. Research has shown that the happiest and longest-lasting couples are those based on mutual sacrifice. When love exists, giving in for the other person isn’t even a sacrifice but a pleasure. It makes us feel better about ourselves.
However, it’s also normal that when the time comes to make a sacrifice, some doubts arise. Why should I do it? Doesn’t that sacrifice mean giving up what you love and who you are? You might even wonder if your partner shouldn’t make the sacrifice instead of you.
Furthermore, sacrifice also involves a power issue. If only one partner makes the sacrifice, it creates a very damaging imbalance in the relationship, leading to unhappiness and resentment in the long run. Therefore, while sacrifices can be beneficial and allow a couple to grow stronger, it’s important to know where the boundaries lie.
7 questions you should ask yourself before sacrificing yourself for your partner
1. How committed are you? Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, or are you still hesitant? Commitment is a precursor to sacrifice. For a big sacrifice to be worth it, you must be sure you’re investing in a relationship that has a future. Of course, in matters of love, nothing is 100% certain, but sacrifice is more acceptable when it helps us get closer to the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with.
2. Is your partner willing to do the same for you? Sacrifice is a two-sided coin: while you’re deciding whether you’re going to give up something for your partner, your partner should also be deciding whether they’re willing to sacrifice for you. So, before taking the plunge, it’s important to ask yourself if your partner would be willing to do the same, at least in the future. If that person isn’t willing to commit and invest in the relationship, perhaps the sacrifice isn’t worth it.
3. Do you share the same vision? When a situation requires sacrifice, the resulting results don’t usually benefit both partners equally. Typically, one partner gains a lot and the other loses something. Therefore, before taking the plunge, you should make sure you both have the same priorities and share the same interests. It wouldn’t make much sense to leave a stable job and move to another country for someone who isn’t sure they want to maintain a stable relationship, for example.
4. Does your partner know it’s a sacrifice? There’s no need to constantly talk about the sacrifice you’re going to make, but it’s important for your partner to be aware that you’ve committed and given something important to the relationship. In fact, when one partner must lose and sacrifice, the other’s acknowledgement makes the situation more bearable. However, you should keep in mind that this isn’t about turning your relationship into a business transaction where the currency is sacrifice.
5. Is there a better solution? Sometimes, having to give up something we’re excited about or something we’ve been tied to for years and that gives us security isn’t a very promising prospect. Therefore, before giving up those things, it’s a good idea for both of you to ask yourselves if there’s a solution where neither of you has to lose that much. Sometimes, all it takes is an open mind and a search outside of conventional solutions to find a strategy that’s less painful or emotionally costly for each partner.
6. Can it be negotiated? Sacrifice shouldn’t be imposed; it must come from one’s own free will. This means that if the person makes the decision and puts the other between a rock and a hard place, there really won’t be any room for negotiation. That person simply didn’t take your opinion, desires, and needs into account. Every sacrifice in a relationship must be consensual; there must be room for negotiation, and, in some way, for the person who stands to gain more to compensate the other for the loss. It’s worth clarifying that it’s not about turning sacrifice into a bargaining chip, because that only leads to resentment. It’s about finding a middle ground that makes both parties happy.
7. What motivates you? This is the most important question because we continually make sacrifices for different reasons, but not all of them make us happy. Are you giving in to make your partner happy and save the relationship, or just to avoid conflict? It has been found that sacrifices made solely to avoid problems lead to great dissatisfaction in the long run. On the contrary, sacrifices made to help your partner or strengthen the relationship are healthy.
Sooner or later, all relationships require sacrifice, but we shouldn’t give up or give in without thinking it through. It’s important to consider the pros and cons, maintain a clear line of communication with our partner, ask those tough questions, and, above all, make sure we’re making sacrifices for the right reasons. Some sacrifices bring happiness, but others are big mistakes.
Leave a Reply