When something worries you, do you keep turning it over in your mind? Perhaps you’re completely consumed by the feeling that you have to understand it and need answers, to the point that you can’t sleep or concentrate. The “culprit” is our brain, which is always looking for an ending, closure, or an explanation that fits. And when it doesn’t find it, anxiety skyrockets.
However, centuries ago Voltaire warned us that “Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one.” And indeed, in life, we won’t always have clear answers, so it’s best to learn to leave some questions unanswered.
Our brain seeks closures
In the 1990s, psychologist Arie W. Kruglanski gave a name to something we’ve all felt at some point, even if we couldn’t explain it: the discomfort of not having an answer. He called it the “need for cognitive closure,” and it basically describes that urge we experience to find a clear, quick, and definitive explanation for what’s happening to us.
Imagine an everyday scene: someone doesn’t reply to your message. Hours pass, and your mind starts filling in the void. “They’re angry,” “I must have said something wrong,” “They don’t care about me anymore”… You don’t have enough information, but your brain can’t tolerate that blank space, so it searches for an explanation, even a wrong one, before settling into uncertainty.
Kruglanski observed that not everyone tolerates ambiguity equally. Some people need immediate answers, draw conclusions quickly, and cling to them tightly. Others can sustain doubt for longer, explore different possibilities, and live with that uncertainty without feeling so uncomfortable. However, to a greater or lesser degree, we all share the tendency to shut down.
In fact, our brains are wired to seek patterns and certainty. They dislike emptiness and incompleteness. They even tend to organize fragmented information, filling it in and making sense of it, even when the data is insufficient. If we feel that something fits together and makes sense (at least to us), we feel calmer and more secure.
Countless experiments, including classic Gestalt studies presenting incomplete figures, have shown that our brains tend to fill in gaps and perceive images as complete, meaningful figures. Even when parts are missing, we automatically fill them in to construct a coherent image. We don’t see loose lines or isolated fragments; we try to decipher a coherent form.
The problem is that, in real life, many situations don’t have a clear ending. Relationships, important decisions, and even how we interpret what happens to us – everything is nuanced. And when we try to force closure where there isn’t any, we risk finding simplistic answers that, far from helping us, can create more problems.
The value of suspenseful questions
Accepting that there won’t always be answers doesn’t mean resigning ourselves to it or ceasing to think, but rather changing our attitude toward ambiguity. In fact, a study conducted at the University of Wisconsin–Madison found that intolerance of uncertainty is closely linked to anxiety. The more certainty we need, the more we suffer when we don’t have it.
Learning to postpone questions acts as a kind of psychological buffer. Obviously, it doesn’t eliminate doubt, but it reduces the urgency to find an answer immediately. In practice, it’s like telling our brain, “Calm down, this can stay as it is for now.”
These types of questions do not seek an immediate or definitive answer, but rather create a space, allowing for some psychological flexibility to understand that not everything has to be clear from the beginning.
And how is that done?
For example, instead of asking yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, you can slightly change your approach with a more appropriate question: “What could I learn from this, even if I don’t fully understand it now?”
The difference is subtle, yet profound. The first question demands a concrete answer, while the second allows you to explore without forcing a conclusion. This way, you can move from paralysis and rumination to action.
If you ask yourself questions like “Why did they do this to me?”, for which you have no answer, you’ll likely get stuck in a loop. On the other hand, if you ask yourself “What options do I have now?” or “What part of what’s happening can I control?”, you’ll open up a world of possibilities.
Ultimately, it’s about accepting the idea that we don’t have to understand everything – or at least not immediately. In fact, most important decisions in life are made without all the information, without absolute certainty, and without guarantees. And despite all that, we move forward.
Learning to live with uncertainty by leaving some questions unanswered will make you a more flexible person, better able to tolerate ambiguity, and in many cases, will also bring you greater peace of mind. As Francis Bacon said, “If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end with doubts, but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.”
References:
Grupe, D. W. & Nitschke, J. B. (2013) Uncertainty and anticipation in anxiety: an integrated neurobiological and psychological perspective. Nat Rev Neurosci; 14(7): 488-501.
Webster, D. M. & Kruglanski, A. W. (1994) Individual differences in need for cognitive closure. J Pers Soc Psychol; 67(6): 1049-62.
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