Do you want to take that big step, make a transcendental change in your life, but you don’t know how to do it and that discourages you? Maybe you are afraid because you are walking towards something unknown or you feel anxious because you cannot control all the factors and the final result is uncertain.
The bad news is that most momentous changes involve a large dose of uncertainty. The good news is that these transformations often provide us with many benefits and are almost always worth it. All you have to do is decide!
The three steps of change
Although each person is different, most transcendental changes follow a precise pattern that is also quite effective as it helps us reduce uncertainty.
1. Denial
In reality, the journey towards change does not begin when we discover the problem but much earlier, when we deny it. Basically, in this phase people have no intention of changing nor do they set different objectives, it is as if they were experiencing an emotional block. However, the seed of doubt has already been planted, the person already feels uncomfortable due to a situation that is not entirely satisfactory. It is like a kind of fog that comes between us and the problem but we begin to distinguish that there is something that must be resolved, that the need to change may be just around the corner.
In this phase, the most common thing is that our defense mechanisms are activated and we hide those problem figures that we see through the fog. As we normally prefer to move within our comfort zone and in the security of what we already know, it is normal for us to deny the problem but the truth is that it is already being processed below the threshold of our consciousness. The seed of change is already germinating.
2. Contemplation
At this stage we are already aware that there is a problem or need that pushes us to change. The fog has lifted and we are beginning to see the situation with some clarity. Little by little the details become clearer and we realize that it is necessary to make a transcendental change in our lives. In many cases it is a painful phase full of emotions as we debate between the security that our habits bring us and change, which represents uncertainty and also implies a large dose of effort. In fact, there are people who spend years in the contemplation phase without being able to resolve this dichotomy while others take action much more quickly.
3. Preparation
At this stage the person has already understood that the change is fundamental and begins to prepare to face it. Basically, it is a preparation from a psychological point of view, which involves acquiring a certain commitment to oneself and mentalizing the tasks ahead of us. We also tend to think about the people we have around us and how they might interpret the change. Some will support us but others may not. In that case, we prepare for a possible separation or breakup.
How do you know when you are ready?
The preparation phase is essential because without it we run the risk of acting too hastily, without being prepared from a psychological point of view, which could generate various conflicts and could even lead to an emotional blockage. We can think of the stage as the training that athletes do to run a marathon; without it, they are likely to faint halfway through the race. However, we also run the risk of postponing change indefinitely, simply because we are afraid.
How do you know when it’s time to take the first step?
First of all, we must be aware that absolute certainty does not exist. There is always a margin of error, a degree of uncertainty and factors that we cannot control. In addition, we must also consider that we will never be fully prepared because the path often presents us with challenges that we had not planned for. Therefore, waiting until we are 100% sure is the most direct path to immobility.
However, we will be ready for change when:
– We have analyzed the greatest number of alternatives that we had at our disposal
– We have discussed our options with other people who have given us different points of view
– The current situation is exhausting and unsatisfactory
– We have imagined the worst possible scenario and we feel strong to face it
– We are convinced that this is the best solution at the current moment (that is, with the resources we have at hand and in the conditions we are experiencing)
And if you need an extra dose of motivation before taking the big step, remember that there is nothing worse than spending a lifetime wondering what would have happened if… you had had the courage to change.
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