• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Psychology Spot

All About Psychology

  • About
  • Psychology Topics
  • Advertising
Home » Close the doors, do not slam them

Close the doors, do not slam them

Share on Facebook Share on X (Twitter) Share on LinkedIn Share on Email Share on Reddit Share on WhatsApp Share on Telegram
close the doors

In life, there are times when we need to close doors. Put an end to chapters that have lost their reason for being. It’s not always easy. The resistance to change, the attachment to the known and the fear to get out of your comfort zone are very heavy burdens that tie you to the past, even if that past damages you. However, these endings are necessary, sometimes even essential to protect our psychological integrity. The fact of closing doors, however, doesn’t mean slamming them.

Slamming doors, the expression of incapacity to manage the situation with maturity

Slamming, figuratively speaking – although sometimes it can also be literal – is an unequivocal sign that the situation has overwhelmed us. A slam – real or psychological – implies that we’re victims of an emotional hijacking, that anger and frustration have taken over. And each time that happens, our ability to think rationally is “turned off”.

Slamming is, in the end, the expression of the inability to deal with the situation in a more mature way. It implies that we don’t have the psychological resources necessary to deal with the circumstances in a more assertive manner. It’s like returning to our reactive infantile “ego”, an “ego” that doesn’t think but merely responds to stimuli in the hope that this attack of rage will lighten some of the emotional pressure.

Slamming also means that, even if we have closed that door, we’re still stuck in the room. If we continue to feed hatred and resentment, these feelings will turn against us, making us their captives.

SEE ALSO  You can't always get what you want – and that is the best thing that can happen to you

Ending a relationship hating a person doesn’t mean we’ve cut with him/her, in fact we’re still in his/her hands, we remain entangled in that emotional web, at least until we are free of the influence he/she exerts on us. We must remember that the strongest ties are precisely those invisible.

Slamming doors can hurt

There are also slammed doors that hurt. Although we need to close chapters of our lives, it doesn’t mean we should harm other people. In some cases – for whatever reasons – our path may differ from that of the others and we need to say goodbye to those people.

We must be aware that separations are painful enough on their own to add an extra dose of suffering in form of angry words or confrontational attitudes that serve only to create deep emotional wounds.

Therefore, before closing doors, it is convenient that we put ourselves for a moment in the skin of the other person and try to understand what he/she could feel. That doesn’t mean staying tied to a place or a relationship that has lost its meaning and no longer satisfies us, we have the right – and almost the obligation – to move forward, but we must try to make that closure harm as little as possible the others.

Close doors gently

The Dalai Lama once explained that anger is like that annoying family member that we cannot avoid. When we know him, we realize how difficult it is to deal with him and how much he can influence our mood. Since we cannot avoid him completely, we prepare ourselves psychologically for each encounter: we take the necessary precautions so that his words and attitudes influence us the minimum. We can do the same with anger: when we stop to manage it, we stop being in its hands and we regain control. When anger disappears or diminishes, we can gently close the door.

SEE ALSO  It's not what you want, it's what you can: Epictetus' advice to achieve your goals

To achieve this, we probably need to get out of the role of victims and forgive. It doesn’t mean we have not been victims, but that we have decided not to embody that role anymore, that we have chosen not to identify ourselves with the role of the one who suffers and supports anymore and, instead, we decided to start from scratch. Neither does it mean we’ve not been hurt, but that we have consciously decided to forgive so we can move forward, not because that other person deserves forgiveness, but because we deserve it to find inner peace.

Why is it so difficult?

Closing doors gently is usually difficult because we wait too long to put the final point. We wait for fear of the uncertainty generated by important decisions or because we feed the illusion that everything will change without changing anything. Thus, problems, conflicts and wounds accumulate, generating an enormous emotional load that ends up exploding and translates into a psychological slamming.

However, it’s never too late to make peace with ourselves and with the situation we experienced. From that peace comes the serenity and strength needed to close a door gently. Because it takes more courage and inner strength to close a door gently tan to slam it.

Share on Facebook Share on X (Twitter) Share on LinkedIn Share on Email Share on Reddit Share on WhatsApp Share on Telegram

Jennifer Delgado

Psychologist Jennifer Delgado

I am a psychologist and I spent several years writing articles for scientific journals specialized in Health and Psychology. I want to help you create great experiences. Learn more about me.

Are children today more rude than those in the past?

22/05/2025 By Jennifer Delgado

Emotional Infertility: Are We Wrong to Raise Children in “Happy Bubbles”?

22/05/2025 By Jennifer Delgado

You don’t just hear the music, you become it, according to neuroscientists

21/05/2025 By Jennifer Delgado

Primary Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • Are children today more rude than those in the past?
  • Emotional Infertility: Are We Wrong to Raise Children in “Happy Bubbles”?
  • You don’t just hear the music, you become it, according to neuroscientists
  • Looking inside yourself can create more problems than it solves
  • Psychological Hormesis: When What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger (For Real)

DON’T MISS THE LATEST POSTS

Footer

Contact

jennifer@intextos.com

About

Blog of Psychology, curiosities, research and articles about personal growth and to understand how our mind works.

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter

© Copyright 2014-2024 Psychology Spot · All rights reserved · Cookie Policy · Disclaimer and Privacy Policy · Advertising