What do we rely on to keep us from falling? At some point in our lives, we’ve all looked for something (or someone) to help us stay steady when we feel fragile and vulnerable. It could be a relationship, a routine, an illusion, or even an addiction. Anything can become an emotional crutch we cling to to avoid facing emptiness, fear, or uncertainty.
However, imagine for a moment that you injure your leg and need to use crutches to walk. At first, they’re an essential aid. But what if, after healing, you continue to use them out of habit or fear of walking alone? Something similar happens in our emotional universe. What happens when that emotional crutch, instead of helping us move forward, actually prevents us from moving forward?
What are emotional crutches?
Emotional crutches are external supports—people, habits, routines, or even thoughts—that we use to try to soothe, avoid, or manage our emotional state. In fact, they aren’t bad in and of themselves. At first, they can help us overcome difficult times, but if we become dependent on them, they will eventually limit our autonomy and personal growth.
The problem arises when we overuse these crutches, to the point of becoming dependent. And things get complicated because they’re not always obvious, but are often disguised as “habits” or “normal needs” that help us feel better, more secure, or emotionally stable.
Some of the most common emotional crutches we tend to resort to are:
- People, like that friend you call every time you feel sad or anxious, even though you know they can’t solve your problem.
- Relationships, how to maintain a relationship not out of love, but out of fear of loneliness.
- Social media, used compulsively as a way to distract yourself when you feel lonely or empty.
- Food , which you turn to even when you’re not really hungry, just to calm anxiety or boredom.
- Excessive work, which you use to fill your schedule so as not to face silence or latent conflicts.
- Extremely rigid routines, which you cling to like a lifeline for fear of facing emotional chaos.
- Series, video games, alcohol or drugs, which become escape valves from a reality that is difficult for you to deal with.
These emotional crutches often appear in moments of vulnerability: after a breakup, grief, a period of uncertainty, or a bout of anxiety. And it’s completely human to use them; the important thing is not to turn them into a permanent solution to an emotional problem that needs to be heard and resolved.
Why do we use emotional crutches?
We all, at some point, look for quick relief from emotional discomfort. Emotional crutches offer immediate gratification because they relieve sadness, fear, or frustration in the short term. However, their use may be due to:
- Fear of feeling . Many people grew up with the idea that certain emotions, such as sadness, anger, or fear, are “bad,” “immature,” or even “unacceptable,” so they prefer to avoid them. Feeling can be daunting because it involves facing uncertainty, pain, or parts of ourselves we don’t always want to accept. So, at the first hint of emotional discomfort, we may activate an avoidance response by turning to food, social media, work, distractions… The problem is that this avoidance doesn’t resolve the emotion; it only masks it, and over time, it can become a silent trap of accumulated suffering.
- Lack of emotional tools. No one has taught us how to manage our emotions. In school, we’re taught math, history, or science, but we’re rarely shown what to do when we feel anxiety, frustration, or sadness. So, when we reach adulthood, we improvise. Sometimes we copy what we see, other times we simply resort to whatever soothes us. This lack of emotional tools makes us more likely to rely on external crutches because we don’t know how to manage what we feel from within. Without a clear “emotional manual,” we look for quick fixes that numb the discomfort, even if they don’t resolve it at its root.
- Emotional wounds. Childhood traumas, abandonment, rejection, or experiences of abuse leave deep scars that often continue to fester, even years after the event. These wounds create emotional voids that can be intensely painful and that we might try to fill with whatever we have at hand: relationships, food, addictions, hyperactivity… However, since these emotional crutches only serve to numb the pain, they don’t really help us heal.
- Learned patterns . Many of the strategies we use to manage our emotions come from what we learned at home. If your parents avoided talking about their emotions, always acted strong, repressed their feelings, or “dampened” them down with work, alcohol, or distractions, you’ve likely internalized that same way of responding. Even if you rationally know it’s unhealthy, you automatically repeat those patterns because your mind considers them “normal.”
Are emotional crutches always bad?
Not necessarily. As in the example of the injured leg, they can be very helpful in the short term. A good friend who listens to you after a breakup can give you the support you need to keep from sinking. A little distraction can help you gain perspective in times of crisis, and even immersing yourself in work can give you the time you need for your mind to process and accept what happened.
Advantages of emotional crutches
- They provide emotional support in times of crisis.
- They can prevent impulsive decisions based on intense emotions.
- They help us regain strength when we are very emotionally weakened.
- They provide a temporal structure in chaotic situations and generate a sense of control.
- They distract us from painful emotions.
Using an emotional crutch isn’t a problem. The problem is clinging to it, or even using it as an excuse to stick to patterns that harm us. The problem is feeling unable to move forward without it and doing nothing to break that emotional dependency.
Disadvantages of emotional crutches
- If they become a permanent solution, they impede personal growth.
- They reinforce emotional avoidance because every time we feel uncomfortable, we turn to them without processing it.
- They encourage external dependence, so in the long run we stop trusting our resources.
- They disconnect us from ourselves and our needs.
- They prevent us from facing our problems, so they end up feeding them.
- They can become addictions because what begins as support could become a compulsive need.
Keys to stop using emotional crutches and strengthen your emotional autonomy
Letting go of an emotional crutch doesn’t mean abandoning external support or eliminating all daily distractions. It means learning to regulate your emotions without relying exclusively on external factors.
1. Identify your crutches
The first step is to identify what you’re using as a crutch. Ask yourself questions like:
- What do I usually do when I feel bad?
- What habits or people do I depend on to feel better?
- What things are impossible for me to let go of, even for a day?
Be honest with yourself. This process requires self-compassion, not judgment.
2. Observe the usage pattern
Emotional crutches usually respond to a pattern: difficult emotion → external resource → relief → repetition.
Start observing with curiosity, not guilt, when and why you turn to these external supports. For example, you might binge-watch TV shows every time you argue with your partner, or you might turn to food when you’re feeling bored and lonely. When you can see these patterns clearly, you can interrupt them.
3. Learn to feel without reacting
This is one of the most powerful skills you can develop: experiencing an emotion without immediately needing to do something to avoid it. Of course, it’s not easy. But it can be trained in small steps:
- Take 2-3 minute breaks when you feel anxious or lonely before reaching for your crutch.
- Write what you are feeling.
- Allow yourself to cry, get angry, or get bored without trying to distract yourself.
Emotions are like waves: they come, they rise, and eventually they subside. If you don’t hold on to them, they pass just as they came.
4. Develop your own coping resources
If you’ve recognized your crutch, ask yourself: ” What else could I do? ” It’s about finding internal resources that help you deal with those emotions in a healthier way. You can practice breathing exercises, keep a therapeutic diary, go for a walk, dance, listen to music…
These types of resources strengthen your ability to be with yourself without needing to numb yourself and resort to external support.
5. Set limits on using your crutches
You don’t have to eliminate those supports suddenly. Letting go of a crutch is like learning to walk again: it takes practice, patience, and the occasional fall. But you can use it less consciously. Start by setting small goals, like: “Today, instead of watching three episodes of the series, I will watch just one and write down how I feel.”
The idea is for the crutch to be a temporary support, not an extension of yourself you turn to every time you feel bad. And, of course, don’t forget to celebrate every small step toward your emotional autonomy because the more you trust in your ability to stand on your own two feet, the less external support you’ll need.
Learning to walk on your own two feet
Using an emotional crutch doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. But remaining attached to it out of fear or comfort could prevent you from growing, forming healthy relationships, and developing your own coping skills.
Emotional independence doesn’t mean you never need anyone or that you’re always okay. It means that you know how to be with yourself, that you can navigate difficult emotions without running away, and that your well-being doesn’t depend solely on what’s outside. Remember: we weren’t born knowing how to walk. But we learned how to. We may fall along the way and need crutches, but we should also use them as little as possible.
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