We’ve all felt that knot in our stomach when we receive criticism. Sometimes it’s a very slight, almost imperceptible sensation; but other times it feels like a sharp knife piercing us. The society of constant feedback, social media, and the culture of instant opinions has left us particularly vulnerable to criticism for any detail that deviates from the norm.
When everyone feels entitled to an opinion, it’s virtually impossible to escape criticism, but we can prepare ourselves to better manage its impact and prevent it from robbing us of our inner peace.
The problem isn’t criticism, but how we interpret it
Criticism is inevitable. No one, no matter how exemplary or perfectionist they may be, is immune to negative comments, judgments from others, or corrections. In fact, constructive criticism is beneficial because it helps us grow by pointing out our blind spots, those weaknesses we are unable to see.
Destructive criticism, on the other hand, only seeks to hurt, belittle, or manipulate. Unfortunately, we can’t escape that kind of poisoned barb either. The good news is that its “poison” will only affect us to the extent that we allow it to erode our identity.
The problem arises when we perceive criticism as a threat to our ego. When we give it so much weight that it ends up affecting our self-esteem. Or when we pay so much attention to it that we forget it’s just an opinion, not an immutable truth about us.
Criticism affects us when it touches a nerve. When we feel it calls into question our identity and worth. When we give too much weight to the opinions of others and become excessively dependent on external approval. Only then can those negative comments destabilize us.
Roosevelt’s advice for protecting ourselves from criticism
On April 23, 1910, Theodore Roosevelt, then President of the United States, gave a speech at the Sorbonne in Paris, known as “The Man in the Arena”.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong
man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is
marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who
comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and
shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows
great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy
cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that
his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know
victory nor defeat.”
Roosevelt knew very well what he was talking about, since he was extensively criticized during his presidencies. When he implemented the New Deal, for example, Democrats criticized him for not going further and Republicans for going too far.
Daring to do something and challenging passivity means becoming an easy target. Those who act cease to be invisible. And as soon as someone puts themselves out there, judgments arise: some will say they’ve done too much, others that they haven’t done enough. But often what bothers people isn’t so much the action itself, but the uncomfortable reminder that it’s possible to do something while many choose to do nothing.
Criticism, the price of daring
Whenever someone criticizes you, remember that there is no growth without exposure. When you decide to act, explore, create, or develop something, you will inevitably risk making mistakes and expose yourself to the critical gaze of others.
Every action carries a certain vulnerability. The moment something ceases to be an idea in your head and becomes an action, it becomes visible and, therefore, open to judgment. This exposure has an inevitable cost: being interpreted, commented on, and questioned. But that is also the condition for growth.
Therefore, being criticized isn’t necessarily a bad thing – although sometimes it’s hard to see it that way. Sometimes it can simply be a sign that you’re living life to the fullest and taking risks, where others prefer to stay in the false security of their comfort zone, surgically analyzing the mistakes of those who actually take action.
Once you understand that, you can also create some psychological distance from judgments and opinions. Evaluate them calmly, use what’s helpful, and discard what’s useless. This way, you can prevent criticism from affecting you more than it should.
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