Learning to avoid temptations that jeopardize our goals is one of the most important skills we must develop if we want to lead a more productive and satisfying life. It is important to say no to distractions that steal more of our time than recommended, as well as to commitments that do not bring us anything.
However, we often adopt an inappropriate strategy and end up being victims of procrastination, which not only consumes our psychological resources but also generates frustration and distances us from our goals. Is there any trick to avoid temptations and not fall into bad habits?
Avoid temptations and bad habits by changing your inner dialogue
A study conducted at the University of Houston recruited 120 people, who were divided into two groups. One group was told to tell themselves “I can’t do X” whenever they were faced with a temptation, while the other group was given a different phrase: “I won’t do X.”
For example, the first group would say: “I can’t spend time on social media ” while the second group would say: “I don’t spend time on social media.”
After repeating these phrases, each person had to answer a series of questions and was told that the study was over. However, in reality everything was just beginning, as upon leaving the room each person was given the choice between a chocolate bar or a cereal bar (a much healthier option).
What happened?
61% of people who said to themselves “I can’t ” chose the chocolate bar. In contrast, this number dropped to 36% among those who said to themselves “I don’t .” The results are impressive when you consider that all you have done is make a simple change in the way you talk to yourself.
In fact, the results were so surprising that these psychologists decided to go a step further and analyze the effect of these phrases on repeated temptations. Can a simple terminological change help us maintain good habits and avoid bad ones?
Without further ado, they launched a second experiment, this time with 30 women who had signed up for a course on health and well-being. They were told about the importance of maintaining long-term goals and then divided into three groups.
– Group 1: acted as a control group, that is, they were not given any strategy to confront temptations that could affect their goals.
– Group 2: They were told that when they felt tempted they should tell themselves: “I can’t.”
– Group 3: They were told that, when faced with the temptation to falter, they should tell themselves: “I won’t.”
After 10 days what happened was the following:
– Group 1: 3 out of 10 maintained their goals.
– Group 2 (“I can’t”): 1 in 10 maintained their goals.
– Group 3 (“I don’t do”): 8 out of 10 maintained their goals.
At this point there is no room for doubt: a simple change in terminology works miracles and can help us to be more persevering and avoid temptations, even in the long term.
Why is “I don’t” more effective than “I can’t”?
Although we don’t usually pay much attention to the words we use, the truth is that they have a great power over our decisions, attitudes and behaviors. Our internal dialogue is very important and the terms we choose are fundamental.
For example, saying “I can’t ” only serves to remind us of our inability, to bring up our limitations. However, since we normally don’t like things imposed on us, we interpret this phrase as an obligation, something we must do but would actually rather avoid because it undermines our sense of power. In the long run, these words generate frustration.
On the contrary, the phrase “I don’t ” does not imply a limitation but rather a characterization, it gives us the feeling that we have control over the situation. It is not something that we are imposing on ourselves but a reminder, an alternative that makes us feel powerful and reaffirms our determination.
This is a very simple strategy that you can put into practice at any time to avoid temptations and bad habits, so that you stay focused on your goal.
Reference:
Patrick, V. M. & Hagtvedt, H. (2012) ‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior. Journal of Consumer Research; 39(2): 371-381.
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