Most parents want their children to stay out of trouble, do well first in school and then in their careers, and be happy. There’s no magic, universal recipe for achieving this, but various studies have found that parents of successful children have some common traits that are reflected in their parenting style and, in the long run, impact their children’s success and happiness.
What is the educational style of people who are successful in life?
- They give their children household duties from a young age
The tendency to make children’s lives increasingly easier, to the point of excusing them from any responsibilities or obligations, is very damaging. Psychologists at Stanford University explain that “if a child doesn’t clear the table or tidy their room, it means someone else is doing it for them. However, if you absolve them of the chore, you not only prevent them from learning how to do it, but they also fail to contribute to improving the home and assuming their responsibilities.”
On the contrary, children who are involved in household chores become more empathetic professionals who work well in teams because they know firsthand what it means to work to achieve things. When children have to take out the trash, tidy their room, set the table, and pick up the laundry, they know that work is a part of life and doesn’t fear it, which helps develop their sense of responsibility and independence.
- They teach them social skills
Researchers at Pennsylvania State University and Duke University followed more than 700 children across the country from kindergarten until they were 25 years old and found a significant relationship between their social skills as children and their career success as adults.
The 20-year study showed that socially competent children who were able to cooperate with their peers without throwing tantrums, help others, understand their feelings, and solve problems independently were much more likely to earn a college degree and find full-time employment by age 25 than those with limited social skills, who were more likely to be arrested and engage in excessive drinking as young adults. This demonstrates that helping children develop their social and emotional skills is one of the greatest gifts we can give them to prepare them for the future.
- They have authority, but they are not authoritarian or permissive
We already know that extremes have never been good. Practicing an authoritarian parenting style in which children have no say is just as bad as being extremely permissive and indulging their every whim.
A study conducted at the University of California revealed that the best parenting style for happy and successful children is one in which parents exercise authority – an authority based on rational rules that children understand and follow, but which allows them a certain degree of freedom. This way, children feel much more secure in exploring the world and are more balanced.
- They transmit strength of character to them
Life isn’t a sprint, but rather a race of endurance, so strength of character is essential for facing adversity and pursuing goals. This has been proven by psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania, who claim that strength of character accounts for approximately 4% of the success equation.
These researchers define character strength as the “tendency to maintain interest and effort toward long-term goals,” a characteristic linked to good academic results and successful careers. Therefore, it’s about helping children understand that they must be 100% committed to the future they want to create.
- They stimulate a growth mindset
Decades ago, Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck discovered that children and adults think about success in two different ways. Some develop a “fixed mindset,” which assumes that our character, intelligence, and creative ability are static and cannot be meaningfully changed. In that case, success would be nothing more than the affirmation of an inherent ability.
Others have a “growth mindset,” believing that skills are developed through challenges and seeing failures and mistakes not as evidence of a lack of intelligence or ability, but rather as a springboard that stimulates growth. Raising children with a growth mindset is the best way for them to succeed in life.
- They practice sensitive parenting
A study conducted at the University of Delaware looked at 243 people born into poverty and found that children who received “sensitive caregiving” during their first three years of life not only performed better on academic tests during childhood but also maintained more balanced relationships and held better jobs by age 30.
Sensitive parenting is one in which parents meet their children’s needs promptly and appropriately, providing a secure base for their children to explore the world. This doesn’t mean indulging their every whim, but rather knowing how to identify their needs for affection, contact, and play and meeting them in the best possible way, so that the child develops a secure attachment.
- They delay gratifications
A classic psychology experiment showed that children who are able to delay gratification in order to achieve a bigger reward later grow up to be young people with better social skills, who achieve higher test scores, and are less likely to abuse substances.
Helping children develop self-control is vital for increasing their frustration tolerance and helping them learn how to cope with stress. The people who reach the top of their careers and feel most satisfied with themselves are those who manage to put things into perspective and know how to forgo small, momentary pleasures in order to stay focused on their goal.
Sources:
Jones, D.E. et. Al. (2015) Early Social-Emotional Functioning and Public Health: The Relationship Between Kindergarten Social Competence and Future Wellness. American Journal of Public Health ; 105(11): 2283-2290.
Raby, K.L. et. Al. (2015) The Enduring Predictive Significance of Early Maternal Sensitivity: Social and Academic Competence Through Age 32 Years. Child Development ; 86(3): 695–708.
Vaillant, G. E. (2015) Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study Paperback . Harvard University Press: Massachusetts.
Duckworth, A.L. et. Al. (2007) Grit: Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ; 92(6): 1087-1101.
Dweck, CS (2007) Boosting achievement with messages that motivate you. Canadian Education Association ; 4(2): 6-10.
Mischel, W. et. Al. (1989) Delay of gratification in children. science ; 244: 933–938.
Mischel, W. et. Al. (1972) Cognitive and attentional mechanisms in delay of gratification. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ; 21 (2): 204–218.
Baumrind, D. (1966) Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development ; 37(4): 887-907.
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