“When love is too tight, it’s not your size.” This phrase, which I read somewhere, has stuck with me because it uses a particularly enlightening simile. When we go to the store and try on a pair of shoes or a dress, if it’s too small, we order a larger size, we immediately realize that it’s not made to measure and we need to change. However, what we resolve in a matter of seconds in a store can take us years when it comes to interpersonal relationships. And it’s that we normally hold on to people and the experiences we have lived with them, even if they hurt us or no longer bring us anything gratifying.
Sometimes we resist accepting that there are relationships that are mortally wounded and prolonging their agony only means unnecessarily hurting ourselves, it is like poking at the wound to cause more pain. When a person does not contribute anything to us, the best thing is to let them go. This way we can both move on more quickly and look to the future.
Signs that a relationship has come to an end
– Interests have changed. Sometimes we meet people at certain stages in our lives, people with whom we connect immediately because we discover common interests and tastes. However, as time goes by we all change and it is not difficult for us to develop different interests that distance us. When we feel that “nothing is the same”, the time has come to rethink the meaning of the relationship, especially if the other party has already decided that separation is the best path.
– Agreements are an impossible mission. There are relationships in which each of the parties wants different things, so reaching an agreement is almost impossible. In these cases, it is common for arguments to become a daily occurrence and end up affecting the psychological balance of all those involved. When, instead of enjoying the time we spend with each other, we spend it arguing, it is time to let go of that relationship, as it brings more negative things than positive ones.
– Trust has disappeared. In any type of relationship, whether it is a couple or a friendship, trust and sincerity are fundamental pillars. When you stop trusting the other person, you begin to develop a relationship based on doubts, uncertainty and suspicion. This type of relationship is not beneficial for anyone and, in the long run, if trust is not recovered, it will only cause pain since both parties are likely to hurt each other.
– The weight of the relationship falls on one person. When you feel like you are the only one fighting to make the relationship work, that you are carrying all the problems on your back because the other person is not doing their part, it is time to put an end to it. A relationship is only satisfactory when both parties are committed and willing to change or work to solve the difficulties. If only one person is carrying the weight of the problems, it is because the other has lost interest and that means there is no point in continuing to fight for something that no longer exists.
Why do we cling to these kinds of relationships?
– Nostalgia. We often cling to a relationship simply because we have had good times, and when we remember them, we are overcome with nostalgia, a feeling that gives us a false sense of security. We simply prefer to remain tied to the past instead of looking to the future.
– Fear. Letting go of someone who has been by our side for a long time can be terrifying, so sometimes we prefer “a devil we know to a devil we don’t know.” The belief that the future is uncertain or that we won’t find someone else causes us such uneasiness that we prefer to maintain the current state of things.
– Habit. Relationships that have been maintained for years have built up a series of habits around them that have taken root. Abandoning these customs and opting for change can be a drag, and that is why we sometimes prefer to stay in our comfort zone, next to a person who really no longer brings us anything.
– Hope. Behind hope there is almost always love, many people cling to relationships that are dying simply because they hope that the other person will change. However, remember that you can’t ask for pears from an elm tree either.
Letting go: A liberating process
When a relationship reaches the point where it brings us practically nothing positive but has become a burden of tension, negativity and problems, it is best to let that person go.
Contrary to what many people think, when we put that letting go on the scales, it is not usually painful but liberating. After months of arguments, disappointment and stress, putting an end to it is a relief. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s simple and much less easy, but in many cases it is the only solution to be able to move forward.
