At first they seem nice and extroverted. They are sociable people and good conversationalists. But over time their conversation becomes exhausting. Every meeting leaves you without energy.
The problem is that they are people who talk too much, almost always about themselves, and do not listen. When you say goodbye, you feel that there has been no conversation, that you have been the listener of an infinite monologue. What happens to people who talk a lot? Why do they behave like this?
Logorrhoea: The symptom of a mental disorder
In Psychology there is a word to describe the tendency to talk too much: Logorrhoea. In fact, it is a symptom of some basic psychological problem, usually of manic states, agitation, and anxiety.
Logorrhoea is the quantitative alteration of the flow of the language, characterized by the acceleration and proleteness of the speech and the difficulty of being interrupted. That is, people talk a lot and quickly, at an unusual pace that is very difficult to interrupt.
In many cases, Logorrhoea is caused by an acceleration of thinking. In practice, the thought goes very fast, so the speech is an expression of that speed. But unlike people who talk too much about themselves or their problems, in this case is a mental disorder.
In fact, sometimes their speech can become incongruous or we cannot follow the logical thread, which is due to the fact that their way of thinking is so fast that the persons experiences a “flight of ideas”. Lacking central ideas, their speech can be disconnected.
In these cases, it is necessary for the person to seek specialized psychological help to treat the underlying disorder.
People who talk too much do not always suffer from a disorder, sometimes it is simple egocentrism. When there is not an accelerated speech, and yet the person talks a lot about himself, it is likely he has a personality with narcissistic characteristics that leads him to think that is the center of the universe and that only his problems are important. For these people, it is normal that the conversation, or rather the monologue, revolves around them.
In reality, it does not even occur to them that their monologue can bore the others. These are people so absorbed in themselves to presume that everything that happens to them is of general interest. They talk a lot and do not listen, people for whom the problems of the others are not worthy of listening.
Behind those attempts to monopolize the conversation hides usually a great insecurity. People who talk too much about themselves feel good when they receive attention and others listen to them, because they interpret it as a sign of their value.
The topics of conversation preferred by these people are usually their successes and life stories, all which can make them look beautiful at the eyes of the others. So, in the background, that monologue is nothing more than need of constant self-affirmation.
In fact, often the monologue is a way to hide their inner dialogue. The person does not want to listen but wants to be heard. He wants to observe himself through the others. Nietzsche perfectly summarized it: “Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself”.
The rosary of complaints
It is also important the content of the monologue of the people who talk too much, to understand what happens to them. While the person with narcissistic and egocentric traits usually bases his speech on his achievements, there are other people who only talk about their problems.
In these cases our problems do not go background but are literally erased from the conversation. These are people who interrupt you when you talk because your difficulties, your conflicts and problems, are not as big and important as theirs, so they believe to have the right to monopolize the conversation.
In the long run, ten minutes passed close to them end up absorbing our energies while their conversation is reduced to a series of complaints. People who only talk about their problems always find a reason to complain, they are not able to see the positive side of life.
Basically, these people, like narcissists, are deeply immersed in their ego and lack empathy, which prevents them from understanding that also the others have problems and need support, or at least deserve to be heard.
However, unlike the narcissists, these people decide to become the center of attention by taking on the role of victims. In a certain way, the stimulation of pity becomes a strategy of manipulation towards the others.
It is a rather perverse manipulation mechanism that uses words, because while with the narcissist we usually do not have problems interrupting the speech focused on his successes, with people who only talk about their problems we enter a strange game, we feel obliged to listen to them. In a sense, their problems trap us, so we feel compelled to listen to them and feel pity for them.
How to put limit to people who talk too much?
Every conversation, to be rewarding and enriching, must be bidirectional. But it is essential to differentiate people who talk too much because of a mental or neurological disorder, from those who monopolize the speech for an excess of ego.
People who suffer from Logorrhoea cannot hold their speech, no matter how hard they try. Therefore, they need psychological help. In other cases, if the person strives, he can develop a more empathetic attitude and make room for conversation with the others.
When you meet people who talk too much and do not listen, it is desirable that at a certain point you tell them directly, always politely and trying to be positive, that in a conversation it is important to talk and listen. If you feel that this relationship is seriously affecting you, absorbing your emotional energy, you’ll have to set limits and go away.
I’ve read your article and I realized that most things said in this article describes me to an extent. I became aware that I talk about myself a whole lot and I’ve tried to change that, because I don’t want anyone to think I’m self centered. So I try to listen more. Sometimes the reason why I talk so much is because to me silence is deafening and when we are not talking, to me you’re bored of being around me. So I try tell jokes or talk about some experience I’ve been through so I won’t seem like a boring person.
Wow, I can see because what you just wrote could have been said in a couple of sentences. It will help you if you realize that nonstop talking is as deafening as the silence you dread.
P h says
My husband talks so much negatively that I once sewed his mouth up only to wake up and realize it was a dream. I feel nauseas when I am with him because of it.