Updated: 22/02/2024 por Jennifer Delgado | Published: 15/02/2024
Personal growth is not new. The desire to improve and the need to take care of oneself have always accompanied human beings. Psychology has only analyzed, systematized and optimized them, becoming an exceptional witness of that deep desire, as well as a guide for those who want to continue growing.
However, social networks have been responsible for spreading positive images and phrases related to self-care that, although they are important to gain awareness about how essential it is to pay attention and prioritize ourselves, they have also distorted this process of introspection and evolution, generating a series of myths about personal growth that can do a lot of harm.
1. You are special
You are not special, you are unique – just like the 8 billion other people in the world. And the difference is not merely terminological.
Believing that we are special can lead us to think that we are above the others and deserve more. This thinking feeds egocentrism and narcissism, while preventing us from developing an essential life skill: tolerance for frustration.
Thinking that we are special leads us to behave like eternal teenagers who expect others to prioritize them. Little children who get angry when the world does not comply with their wishes or young people who are offended by everything because they are extremely sensitive to anything that goes against their vision of the world. In fact, feeling special prevents us from continuing to grow because, at the end of the day, we believe that we have already reached the “nirvana” of personal growth.
Therefore, don’t worry so much about looking for what is “special” in you and focus more on an ancient Greek aphorism: gnóthi seautón. Know yourself, instead of fantasizing about how special you are. And pay attention to your shadows, because they probably teach you much more about yourself than the lights that dazzle you so much.
2. Taking care of yourself is nice
Social media is flooded with sugarcoated images of people pampering themselves in a spa, surrounded by lush nature or relaxing in meditation spaces. However, although some of personal care and growth is positive, another is not.
Personal growth involves discovering and accepting parts of ourselves that we don’t like. It involves doing hard work to integrate the “inner selves” that live inside us. And often you also have to feel and make peace with uncomfortable emotions such as anger, resentment or guilt.
Traveling these paths is essential if we want to know ourselves better and grow as people, but if we believe that self-care is simply treating ourselves with benevolence, we run the risk of ignoring some of the feelings and drives that bubble within us, so that we distance ourselves from what we really need to grow.
In reality, personal growth is the art of taking care of our entire being, and that includes all our emotions and impulses, even the most uncomfortable ones or those that we normally reject. Sometimes it won’t be pleasant, but it is necessary. And we must be prepared so that those inner “demons” do not block us.
3. It all depends on you
There is no doubt that you are the first person responsible for taking care of yourself and worrying about continuing to grow. However, as John Donne wrote in the 17th century “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” That means we have to reckon with the world around us – whether we like it or not.
The great problem of our times, as the sociologist Zygmunt Bauman pointed out, is that “We live personally and look for individual, biographical solutions to what are in reality structural and systemic problems.” We are not always to blame for our failures and we cannot always make our dreams come true.
True maturity occurs when we are aware of all those interconnections. True personal growth is not thinking that we can take on the world, but rather taking inventory of our resources and asking ourselves what we can achieve with them in this world. Development and satisfaction occurs when we find our ikigai, not when we believe we are Superman or Wonder Woman.
4. You have to think positive
When “The Secret” was published in 2006, it sold like hot cakes, becoming a bestseller. The promise that you can improve your life simply by thinking positively is tempting, but the reality is much more complex and, sooner rather than later, shows us that the “law of attraction” is not infallible.
Of course, motivational quotes can be a useful resource at certain times, but we must be careful not to fall into toxic optimism because an excess of positivity can be very unhealthy and even have the radically opposite effect to the desired one: get depressed.
For the emperor Vespasian, rationality was the only viable approach to personal development. “Optimism is a wonderful and healthy philosophy, as long as common sense is maintained,” he said. He agreed with the philosophy of Epictetus, who also warned: “If you desire something that is not in your power, you will necessarily feel like a failure.”
Obviously, personal growth consists precisely of expanding our horizons and developing our capabilities, but we cannot lose sight of the fact that sometimes setting limits for ourselves is also an act of love, care, and self-respect. Sometimes we need a positive mind. There is no doubt. But other times what we need is a dose of strategic negativism. And there is no doubt about that either.
5. Focus on yourself
That personal growth is about you is a truism. It is obvious that it focuses on self-knowledge, self-acceptance and inner development. However, this idea taken to the extreme is leading to a kind of modern solipsism in which only we exist in the universe, so the Earth and the rest of the planets must revolve around us.
With this mentality we run the risk of developing attitudes that are increasingly egocentric and disconnected from reality. However, psychological studies have shown that to feel complete, for example, we need to provide value and perceive that we are important in the lives of others. It has also been appreciated that maintaining meaningful relationships increases our life satisfaction and makes us feel better.
And we cannot grow and reach our full potential apart from those around us or the society in which we find ourselves. Growth is a personal journey, but our self-image is also formed through the eyes of the others. Bonds that comfort, words that encourage, and relationships that fulfill are also essential along that journey. And we must not forget or underestimate it.
If we do not take external factors into account, we will end up alienating ourselves, so our responses will not be adaptive and we will end up hurting ourselves, feeling frustrated and exhausted, which is exactly the opposite of what we want to achieve. Therefore, we must look inside, but without losing sight of what is happening outside.
To top it all off, it is interesting to note that the Personal Growth industry continues to expand. In 2022 it generated 42.4 billion dollars in the world and is expected to reach 73.3 billion in 2032, according to data from Acumen Research and Consulting. Coaching and personal training is the largest segment, accounting for more than 38% of the global market share.
And it is obvious. In a world that seems increasingly chaotic and uncertain, it is understandable that people cling to their only asset: themselves. However, to fully develop our resources and feel good about ourselves, we must learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. Because there is self-help that doesn’t help and motivational quotes that demotivate you.
References:
Baumann, D. & Ruch, W. (2021) Measuring What Counts in Life: The Development and Initial Validation of the Fulfilled Life Scale (FLS). Front. Psychol.; 12: 10.3389.
Bucher, A. et. Al. (2019) Together is Better: Higher Committed Relationships Increase Life Satisfaction and Reduce Loneliness. Journal of Happiness Studies; 20: 2445–2469.
