We are social beings and, perhaps for that reason, over time a narrative has been imposed that few question: the idea that if you don’t go out, don’t have a thousand plans and aren’t surrounded by friends, you are condemned to a life of sadness, boredom and isolation.
However, psychological research disproves this idea: for many people, choosing solitude is not synonymous with deprivation. In fact, it’s quite the opposite: their own company can be more enriching, meaningful, and emotionally regulating than most social interactions.
Chosen solitude is not isolation
When we talk about loneliness, we often understand it as a single, unified concept, but this isn’t the case. Psychologists distinguish between imposed loneliness and chosen loneliness. It’s one thing to choose to be alone and another to be forced to be alone.
A study conducted at the University of Reading started from this distinction and followed more than 150 people for three weeks. Each day, they had to fill out a survey about the time they spent alone or socializing, as well as indicate how they felt psychologically.
As a general rule, they found that people who spent more time alone reported feeling lonelier and less satisfied. However, when they chose to be alone, everything changed dramatically. In fact, those who opted for solitude reported:
- Greater satisfaction and sense of accomplishment
- Less pressure and stress
- Greater sense of authenticity
And what’s interesting is that these benefits are cumulative. Those who chose to spend more time alone felt less stressed and more satisfied with their lives overall.
The quality of our own company matters – a lot
Jean-Paul Sartre said that “If you feel lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company.” And he wasn’t wrong. One of the most interesting ideas from this research is that the quality of one’s own company can surpass that offered by many social interactions.
Being with yourself, away from external pressures and expectations, with space to think, rest or be more authentic, can be psychologically more nourishing than many superficial conversations, tense encounters or interactions that drain us emotionally.
Being alone with ourselves allows us to listen to our needs, without external distractions. When we are in the company of others, even people we love, we automatically adapt our behavior, moderate our emotions, and prioritize others’ expectations. This constant adjustment consumes psychological energy and can generate stress, even if the interaction is pleasant.
In contrast, being alone allows us to immerse ourselves in our inner world without filters, give ourselves permission to make mistakes, or simply do nothing. This freedom to be with ourselves fosters introspection, creativity, and emotional regulation – three essential ingredients for psychological well-being.
Solitude also helps us enjoy the present moment more. By not having to constantly monitor the reactions of others, we can relax and connect with ourselves or with what we are doing. Therefore, nurturing the relationship we have with ourselves can be more restorative and enriching than many hours of superficial or fraught socializing.
Loneliness is not just for “introverts”
The study also revealed that solitude is not a “trademark” of introversion, as we often think. Just as many introverted people enjoy meaningful social interactions, extroverted people can also benefit from chosen solitude to recharge and connect with themselves.
There’s no ideal balance between solitude and socializing; each person must find their own perfect balance, which will likely change depending on their stage of life. The important thing is to pay attention to what we need at any given moment.
There will be days when the company of others energizes and comforts us, but there will be others when what we need is restorative solitude, far from external noise, worldly expectations, and critical judgments. Neither option is inherently superior: what truly matters is the alignment between what one needs and what one chooses.
Source:
Weinstein, N. Et. al. (2023) Balance between solitude and socializing: everyday solitude time both benefits and harms well-being. Sci Rep; 13: 21160.
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