Divorce or separation after several years of relationship can be a particularly painful experience. There are people who live it with a feeling of loss, failure and frustration. But there are also those who experience it as a liberation. Even those who have felt dejected and sad at first may end up discovering that they love their single life and face this new stage with renewed energy. These people seem to be reborn after a breakup. How and why do they do it?
Marriage wears out
A survey conducted by sociologists at Yale University revealed that 41% of people who have divorced have no interest in establishing another stable relationship, practically double that of those who had never married. These statistics reveal a truth that not everyone is willing to accept: marriage is draining.
It is likely that many of these people felt deeply disappointed in their life as a couple because the relationship did not meet their expectations. If everyday life generated more problems, conflicts and disappointments than happiness and satisfaction, it is understandable that ending that situation would make them reborn.
When you fall into the clutches of a toxic relationship, jealousy, surreptitious control or power struggles, a hostile climate is usually created in the home that ends up draining the psychological energy of the members of the couple. On other occasions it is simple routine, tedium and lack of incentives that make people turn off in the relationship, so that when it breaks down, they can feel freed from an “invisible burden.”
However, that’s not the only reason some people flourish after a divorce.
A question of priorities
Those who do not go out of their way to find a partner, value their independence and are comfortable with their chosen solitude or do not need anything more than their network of friends, are more likely to flourish after a divorce.
These people do not usually believe in the myth of the better half, on the contrary, they are aware that we are born whole, we do not need another half. Many appreciate the freedom that comes with being able to choose what they dedicate their time to, without the constraints that a relationship or domestic tasks usually represent when sharing a home with someone else.
They are also people who value the ability to spend time alone with themselves and enjoy pursuing their interests without feeling guilty. In fact, recovering their old hobbies or discovering new passions often becomes a source of personal satisfaction that energizes and rejuvenates them.
Being single again can become an opportunity to rediscover yourself: look in the face of the person you have become throughout those years of relationship and consider new challenges for the future. As a result, many people not only feel freer but also more authentic.
The focus on the positive
People who flourish after a divorce or breakup also tend to be those who have a more positive outlook on life. Instead of getting stuck in the bad experience or feeling alone, they prefer to focus on the new opportunities ahead, so they often feel enriched by the experience.
They perceive this new freedom as an opportunity to learn and grow, make new friends or even implement changes that give them back a sense of control and empowerment, from the smallest decisions, such as what time to eat or what movie to watch, to more transformative life choices, like embracing another lifestyle or even moving to a different city or country.
Many of these people feel more authentic after breaking up the relationship, probably because they had given up too much living space to the partner or had identified excessively with the other, to the point of putting themselves in the background. In fact, we cannot forget that even couples who are not controlling, shape each other’s experiences because it is often necessary to give in and adapt in the name of coexistence.
In this new life of singleness, people can experience things that they did not dare to try or make decisions that they would not have chosen within the framework of a relationship. These changes introduce new elements, break routine and empower, so it is understandable that they feel full of energy, as if they have been reborn.
Of course, that doesn’t mean there is a “right” way to deal with a breakup. But without a doubt, focusing on the positive aspects of this new stage of life and exploring the possibilities it offers is a more constructive path than sitting down and regretting what could not be.
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