Happiness is one of those concepts we all think we understand, until we have to define it. In fact, even if you don’t have an exact definition, you probably associate it with feeling good and having pleasant experiences. This view of happiness leaves no room for unpleasant emotions, which we consider its very antithesis. And yet, something as detested and often avoided as mistakes and failures can become an unexpected driver of happiness, helping us build a more balanced and conscious life.
Why do we run away from failure, and why is it so important that we don’t?
From childhood, we learn to avoid making mistakes. And it’s no wonder, since we all remember the psychological weight of those corrections made in red ink in our notebooks or on exams. As we grow older, the pressure increases because the media glorifies success stories and social media shows us perfect lives where mistakes seem to have no place.
In that environment, it’s understandable that failure becomes synonymous with shame, so we assume it’s something we must hide, quickly correct, or overcome as soon as possible. Thus, we end up interpreting failure as an existential humiliation and turning every mistake into a judgment on our worth. In the long run, this makes us more rigid, obsessed with avoiding the next stumble.
However, failure is crucial from an evolutionary perspective. We learn more from our mistakes than from our successes because errors leave deep imprints, allowing us to do better next time or, at least, avoid making such a big mistake.
In fact, neuroscientists have found that the brain responds differently to mistakes. It seems that when we make a mistake, an “error signal” is activated, stimulating neurons to readjust and form new connections. This is called neuroplasticity, and it’s an essential pillar of learning.
When we learn to walk, for example, we fall constantly. These falls are part of the learning process; we can’t avoid them, but we learn to get up again and again to try once more. Thus, little by little, we take each step with greater confidence. This repetition of the cycle of “mistake, adjustment, and attempt” is, in essence, a form of experiential learning. And it is precisely the possibility of living through these experiences that can become a profound source of personal satisfaction and happiness.
Reverse Happiness
Interestingly, in different languages the word happiness comes from the Latin felicitas, derived from felix, which in turn comes from the Greek phyo, meaning to produce, in the sense of being fruitful and fertile. Over time, this meaning was lost, while the concept of happiness increasingly leaned towards a state linked to pleasure, the satisfaction of needs, and the absence of pain.
However, happiness doesn’t exist in a vacuum; it arises from experience, as a result of our actions. And that contains a double possibility: what can make us happy can also lead us astray. After all, “The only man who never makes mistakes is the one who never does anything,” as Goethe said.
However, mistakes and failures are not the opposite of happiness; rather, they are the building blocks that pave the path to it. Each stumble forces us to see reality more clearly, creating space to learn, adjust expectations, appreciate what works, and feel grateful for what we have achieved.
Happiness doesn’t stem from perfection or the absence of setbacks, but from the ability to integrate them into our story. In this way, failures become tools for self-knowledge, laying a solid foundation upon which we can build a happiness more resilient to fleeting illusions and temporary disappointments.
In fact, Søren Kierkegaard was convinced that failures (and the anguish they generate) were crucial tools for waking up from a superficial existence and making more conscious decisions that allow us to lead a life more aligned with our true “self,” instead of becoming a sad version of what others expect of us.
Mature happiness isn’t like euphoria, but rather like serenity. It’s not a state of constant enthusiasm achieved upon reaching a goal, but a quiet confidence that, even when things go wrong, you’ll know how to pull through. Happiness doesn’t come from the absence of problems, but from the certainty that you’ll be able to solve them without losing yourself. And this serenity doesn’t develop in times of prosperity, but in failures, precisely when everything seems to be falling apart.
Source:
Cieslik, E. C. et. Al. (2024) Success versus failure in cognitive control: Meta-analytic evidence from neuroimaging studies on error processing. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews; 156: 105468.
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