Spirituality doesn’t make you a better person (and believing it does is dangerous)

In 1977, psychologist John Welwood began to observe a phenomenon that was surprisingly common among people deeply committed to Buddhism and other contemplative practices. Many meditated for hours, attended spiritual retreats, and constantly spoke of compassion, detachment, or mindfulness, but in their personal relationships they continued to exhibit the same patterns of arrogance, emotional avoidance, or a need to feel special.

It was then that he coined the term “spiritual bypassing” to refer to the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to avoid confronting old emotional wounds, latent conflicts, and one’s own shadow self. This phenomenon is largely due to the “spiritual ego.” And you’ve probably seen it in action.

When the ego changes its disguise

We tend to associate the ego with selfishness and egocentrism. After all, they share the same etymological root. We link it to vanity and presumption, which makes it relatively easy for us to identify.

However, the spiritual ego is much more subtle. It doesn’t boast in the traditional way, but rather presents itself with an air of supposed humility that actually exudes superiority. The spiritual ego looks down on others with a certain condescension, as if they were all at a lower level of consciousness. And, curiously, the more it talks about humility, the less humble it seems.

It’s as if the desire for personal growth transforms, without us even realizing it, into a silent competition to be more conscious, more spiritually evolved, purer, more moral, or more detached. The label varies depending on the religion or spiritual practice, but the goal is the same: to place oneself above others.

Then the person falls into a great paradox because the more convinced they are of having transcended the ego, the more likely it is that the ego is in control.

Turning spirituality into an identity

The Social Identity Theory developed by Henri Tajfel and John Turner explains that we tend to value the groups we belong to more positively and, almost without realizing it, compare them favorably with others.

This is not surprising, since we build our self-concept and self-esteem based on the groups with which we identify. When we feel we belong to a group, we tend to perceive it as more valuable. It is a psychological mechanism through which we try to maintain consistency in our self-image.

This also applies to spiritual or religious beliefs. In fact, spirituality and religion intensify this phenomenon because they offer something we all seek: an explanation of who we are, how we should live, and what the meaning of our existence is.

The problem arises when the practice ceases to be a tool for personal transformation and becomes the foundation of our identity. Instead of thinking that we practice yoga because it helps us live more serenely, we begin to believe that we are more evolved than others. Instead of simply acknowledging that we practice a particular religion, we convince ourselves that this faith makes us morally superior or closer to the truth than those who believe in something else or in nothing at all.

Thus, instead of using spirituality as a tool for self-knowledge and a better life, we end up using it as a new identity label. We are no longer simply someone who practices yoga or attends church, but rather we believe that those who don’t share our vision are wrong or lead an inferior lifestyle. At that precise moment, spiritual practice ceases to be a path and becomes a pedestal.

How can we tell if we’re falling into this trap?

The spiritual ego usually manifests itself in more discreet ways, but it is possible to detect its influence if we pay attention to certain signs:

1. We are deeply bothered when someone questions our beliefs. When spirituality is part of our path of growth, questions from others can be uncomfortable, but they also offer an opportunity for reflection. However, when the spiritual ego takes over, any disagreement is experienced almost as a personal attack. We don’t feel that an idea is being questioned, but rather our very identity. That’s why we react defensively, get angry, or feel the need to prove we are right, instead of listening with curiosity.
2. We constantly feel the need to mention our spiritual practices. Without realizing it, we make sure others know we meditate daily, go on retreats, or faithfully follow certain religious rituals. Sharing these experiences isn’t inherently wrong. Obviously. The problem arises when we do it to project a certain image or gain recognition. In that case, spiritual practice ceases to be something intimate and becomes a kind of calling card with which we try to convey that we are more conscious, balanced, or virtuous.
3. We think that those who don’t share our spiritual vision are “asleep.” One of the clearest signs that the spiritual ego has taken over is that it divides the world between those who have “awakened” and those who haven’t. We begin to interpret any behavior different from our own as a sign of ignorance, immaturity, or a lack of evolution. This way of thinking greatly simplifies reality and prevents us from understanding that there are many ways to find meaning, well-being, or personal growth in life.
4. We feel the need to constantly correct others or show them the “way.” Instead of respecting that each person has their own path, we feel the urge to constantly explain how they should live, think, or deal with their problems. We give unsolicited advice, interpret other people’s difficulties through our spiritual lens, and believe that if others followed our example, they would stop suffering. Although this attitude may be disguised as good intentions, it often stems more from a need to confirm that we have found the right answer than from a genuine desire to help.
5. We believe we have reached a higher level of consciousness or that we are morally superior. Perhaps this is the most dangerous trap, because it often goes unnoticed by those who have fallen into it. We begin to think that we are less materialistic, more compassionate, more evolved, or simply “better people” than those who do not share our practices or beliefs. The problem with this idea is that when we convince ourselves that we have reached a higher level, we stop questioning ourselves and stop growing.

Perhaps the most important sign, however, is ceasing to listen to what is different, simply because those who believe they have found all the answers no longer feel the need to ask questions.

True spirituality begins when the need to appear spiritual disappears

There is a vast difference between using a spiritual practice for personal growth and turning it into a tool for constructing a superior identity. The former humbles us by continually confronting us with our limitations. The latter merely fuels a more sophisticated form of narcissism.

Interestingly, those who have deepened their spiritual lives tend to behave more humbly. They speak more of compassion than enlightenment. They listen more than they preach. They are less concerned with demonstrating their knowledge and more focused on how they treat those around them.

Perhaps that’s the best indicator that a spiritual practice (whatever it may be) is bearing fruit. Because authentic spirituality shouldn’t make you feel superior to anyone. It should help you understand that, beneath our beliefs, rituals, or ways of understanding the world, we all share the same human condition. And the more aware we are of this, the less need we have to prove that we’ve progressed further than others.

Ultimately, “Spirituality is understood as a journey of the ‘self’ towards meaning, transcendence and connection with the sacred, moving away from the ego,” as Samridhi Tandon wrote.

References:

Tandon, S. (2026) The Sacred and the Self: A Theoretical Paper distinguishing Spirituality from Spiritual Ego. (2026). The Journal of Mind & Psychological Science; 1(1).

Scandroglio, B. et. Al. (2008) La Teoría de la Identidad Social: una síntesis crítica de sus fundamentos, evidencias y controversias. Psicothema; 20(1): 80-89.