Social skills are essential not only for success in the professional world but also for living a fuller and more balanced life. A person who is unable to assertively defend his rights will be continually trampled on. However, someone who frequently gets angry and responds aggressively will have a life full of conflicts, without finding serenity.
However, no one teaches us how to assertively manage social relationships. It is something we learn primarily through imitation, first by watching our parents and then by taking notes from significant figures we encounter during adolescence and youth.
However, social skills are at the heart of Personal Growth. As no one is an island unto themselves, in order to achieve happiness and spiritual peace, we must acquire at least some basic skills that will enable us to deal with the people we encounter every day.
Interestingly, the most important social skills are also the simplest and easiest to develop. The problem is that we are not aware of their importance and overlook them. That is why I am now going to show you some basic social skills that you can start developing immediately.
What are the most important basic social skills?
1. Smile more
The smile is one of our most powerful weapons, and also one of the most undervalued. In fact, we all like to see a smiling face but we are not fully aware of the impact a smile can have on interpersonal relationships.
However, a smile relaxes the tension that may be present in the environment and makes the other person more receptive to our message. When we approach someone smiling, we are telling them that we are not a threat and we are transmitting positivity. It is difficult for someone to get angry when their interlocutor smiles.
In fact, psychologists at Oxford University found that in an economic game, when people smiled, the level of trust that others placed in them increased by 10%. Another experiment conducted at Boston College showed that when we make a mistake or break a rule and then smile, the likelihood that the other person will be condescending and forgive us increases.
Obviously, it’s not about walking around all day with a forced smile, there are situations that don’t require a smile. Still, try to smile more, you’ll see that approaching people with a smile on your lips can change the situation.
2. Speak more slowly
When we are nervous, our heart rate increases and our breathing becomes more labored. In this situation, it is difficult to remain calm, which is why the pace of our speech quickens. However, our interlocutor senses this, even if unconsciously, and understands that something is wrong. This puts him on alert and adopts a defensive attitude. In this situation, it is difficult to convince someone or reach an understanding.
However, speaking slowly and in an appropriate tone of voice conveys calm and indicates that we are a self-assured person, that we know what we want and have the confidence to achieve it. When everyone around you is upset and you are able to remain calm, you will be able to convey your message better and people will be more willing to listen to it.
In this sense, a study carried out at the University of Georgia showed that speaking quickly is an effective technique only when we want to confuse our interlocutor, when we want to convince him of something but we do not have enough evidence in our favour. On the contrary, speaking slowly allows him to reflect and promotes a more lasting change of attitude, which is exactly what we need in our most intimate interpersonal relationships.
Likewise, it is important to learn to master silence. In fact, most people rush to break the silence because they feel uncomfortable and tense, but silence is a weapon of communication through which security and confidence can be transmitted.
3. Ask more
Assuming, drawing conclusions from isolated facts or generalizing without foundation is one of the main mistakes we make in communication. In fact, it leads to many misunderstandings. That is why a fundamental social skill is to ask more questions. When in doubt, it is better to contrast our ideas, and we can only achieve that by talking to the other person.
The main problem with assumptions is that they rarely stop, but rather have a snowball effect, leading to other false or unfounded conclusions. In this way, they generate negative attitudes or even prejudices towards the other person, which end up unnecessarily damaging the relationship.
Assumptions and convictions become a dangerous double-edged sword. A curious experiment carried out at Iowa State University revealed how easy it is to manipulate our convictions, to the point that 50% of witnesses to an alleged murder would be willing to wrongly identify a murderer.
Therefore, always ask your interlocutor’s point of view, try to understand their reasons and ask questions about anything that is not clear. Do not be carried away by assumptions because these are often the result of a story we have created in our mind.
References:
Scharlemann; J. et. Al. (2001) The value of a smile: Game theory with a human face. Journal of Economic Psychology; 22(5): 617–640.
Wells, G. L. & Bradfield, A. L. (1998) Good, you identified the suspect: Feedback to eyewitnesses distorts their reports of the witnessing experience. Journal of Applied Psychology; 83: 360-376.
LaFrance, M. & Hecht, M. A. (1995) Why Smiles Generate Leniency. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin; 21(3): 207-214.
Smith; A. M. & Shaffer, D. R. (1991) Celerity and Cajolery: Rapid Speech May Promote or Inhibit Persuasion through its Impact on Message Elaboration. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin; 17(6): 663-669.
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