They say that a thirsty traveler saw a wooden pipe through which water was flowing. Happy, he drank until his thirst was quenched. When he finished, he raised his hand and said:
-I’ve already finished drinking. Stop running.
That man, accustomed to having his will done, became angry when he saw that the water continued to flow, so he shouted:
– I’ve already stopped drinking and I just told you to stop! Why do you keep flowing?
A person passing by saw the scene and intervened:
– Why don’t you forget about the water and continue on your way, instead of yelling at it to stop flowing?
At first glance, the traveler’s attitude may seem completely crazy. And yet, we replicate it every day without realizing it.
Illusion of control, the trap of thinking that you can control everything
“He who wants all things from this life to his liking will have many troubles,” wrote Francisco de Quevedo. The writer who knew glory, but who also sank into hell, famous for his acerbic nature, was an expert at flowing with events.
However, centuries have passed, many generations have followed one another and we have developed greater technological power, which is why we have also begun to act like the man in the story. We reject the idea that we are not omnipotent and we get angry when things do not go as we wish.
That is the most direct path to frustration, as Quevedo wisely pointed out.
One of the main reasons we resist accepting that things will not always go our way is the illusion of control. Since we were children we have been taught that if we try hard enough and plan everything in great detail, we can achieve what we set out to do and control our destiny.
As a result, we tend to overestimate the control we exert over events, even those that are completely uncontrollable or largely beyond our influence and will. We convince ourselves that if we believe something “cannot be,” it will not be.
Sure, that belief can be comforting, but it’s only half the story. The truth is that life is full of unpredictable variables and unexpected twists and turns. Not everything is under our control. When the world turns and things go wrong, it does not particularly take into account our idea of “it cannot be.”
But do you know what is the worst of all? That what we resist harms us. That if we do not take note of reality, we will not be able to respond adaptively. That if we insist on everything being to our liking, we will waste energy and resources uselessly. And that in the long run, we will only feel more exhausted and frustrated, like Don Quixote fighting against windmills, an image that may seem very romantic, but is completely maladaptive.
Learn to flow with life
When you have done everything possible, all you have to do is flow with the events. That’s all. Is trying to change things important? Of course! So is planning and tenacity. But you must leave room for uncertainty and chaos.
Everything will not go according to our plans. Water won’t stop flowing because we tell it to, and sometimes it can even destroy the dams. Accepting that we are not omnipotent does not mean giving up or assuming a defeatist attitude, but rather embracing a more mature mentality towards life and, above all, a more intelligent one.
Accepting the unexpected allows you to recalculate the path to rethink how to face the new situation. Banishing ideas like “it can’t be” or “it has to be absolutely this way” will allow you to open yourself to the true universe of possibilities, a world in which things will not always turn out the way you want.
And that’s not bad. On the contrary. It is in the middle of change when opportunities arise. It is the setbacks that push you to grow. It is the changes in route that allow you to discover new horizons.
In short, we have to learn to flow more with life, stop thinking that things will go as we wish and, above all, stop sulking like little children when the world deviates from what we had conceived. This way we will be more successful and, above all, we will travel the journey with more peace of mind.
