Abortion is a deeply personal, emotionally intense, and often extraordinarily lonely experience. In the United States, more than half a million people had abortions in 2022, according to the CDC. Even so, it is rarely discussed.
Society, families, and even friends generally prefer to ignore the topic, so if you have ended a pregnancy, you may feel that your emotions don’t fit in or that you can’t express them without fear of being judged or criticized. Often, this loneliness becomes an obstacle to processing what has happened.
The Emotional Landscape After an Abortion
The decision to end a pregnancy is rarely easy. It often involves weighing personal circumstances, responsibilities, values, and desires that may clash with one another – a complexity that ends up being reflected in the emotional world.
Many people experience relief and pain simultaneously. You may feel relief at having finally made a decision and, at the same time, sadness for what could have been. Guilt and anger, a sense of loss and sadness swirl together, forming a complex mix of feelings that can be quite bewildering and difficult to manage.
Some people experience grief, which is further complicated by the feeling that they have to hide what they feel. Whether due to shame, stigma, social pressures, or any other reason, you may come to believe that your emotions are not legitimate, and you are likely to try to suppress them, ignore them, or withdraw into yourself.
However, a study conducted at the Elliot Institute found that the likelihood of mental health being compromised after an abortion increases:
– By 44% when social support is not received
– By 47-56% when there is stigma or a need to keep it secret
– By 19-75% when avoidance or denial strategies are used
Obviously, the emotional response after a voluntary procedure to end a pregnancy is deeply personal. There is no “right” reaction, but acknowledging your feelings without judging yourself or pressuring yourself to feel better immediately is the first step toward recovery.
How to Overcome a Voluntary Abortion?
Grief after an abortion, even induced ones, is a very real experience that must be acknowledged and needs time to heal. Emotional recovery doesn’t happen overnight. Research conducted at the University of California found that negative emotions decrease during the first two years.
After five years, 99% of people believe they made the right decision and have no regrets, a figure that coincides with that used by experts at Carafem, an abortion clinic that provides compassionate, non-judgmental abortion and reproductive healthcare across the country. However, they also add that it is important not to deny what you feel, but rather to try to reconcile yourself with your decision so that you can heal emotionally.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
You don’t have to prove strength or pretend you’re okay just because it was a choice you made. What you feel – whether it’s sadness, relief, anger, confusion, or an indescribable mix – is perfectly legitimate. Don’t try to block out the pain for fear of being overwhelmed by your emotions, because it’s actually the opposite: when you gently embrace your emotions and give them space to express themselves, they subside. The key lies in accepting this emotional complexity, instead of trying to fit what you feel into simplistic categories of “good” or “bad.”
2. Name the Inner Chaos
When you put what you feel into words, the brain transforms a diffuse emotion into something manageable. In fact, psychologists at UCLA found that finding a word to define emotional chaos is a powerful self-control tool to lessen its impact. So, talk to someone you trust, keep a therapeutic journal, or simply acknowledge to yourself quietly: “I feel sad today.” It’s not about dramatizing, but about acknowledging what’s happening because naming it makes it clearer and less intimidating.
3. Review your Thoughts Without Punishing Yourself
After a voluntary procedure to end a pregnancy, it’s common for thoughts filled with guilt or self-criticism to appear. It’s important to understand that these aren’t truths, but emotional states. When you notice these thoughts starting to surface, stop and ask yourself: “Would I speak to someone I love like this?” That simple question is often enough to activate a more compassionate attitude. You don’t need to argue with your thoughts, just observe them and let them go, without getting trapped in them.
4. Regulate your Pace
After an intense emotional experience like an induced abortion, it’s tempting to take refuge in work or other activities to “escape” the emotional volcano boiling inside you. However, what isn’t expressed isn’t processed. The emotional balance is rebuilt by alternating moments of connection with moments of rest. Therefore, while you can take refuge in activities that keep your mind occupied, it’s also important not to completely ignore the experience. Allow yourself days of moving forward and days of pausing.
5. Avoid Going Through this Experience in Complete Solitude
Shared pain weighs less, while isolation amplifies emotions. You don’t need to share details if you don’t want to, but having at least one person with you, even if only in silence, can be profoundly comforting. Sharing a little of what you feel, even if it’s just “I don’t know how I am today,” helps lessen the intensity of the pain and helps you process what happened.
Finally, remember that if guilt or sadness persists for a long time, or you feel stuck, psychological therapy is a safe space to process what you’ve experienced. A psychologist can help you reorganize your internal narrative and manage your feelings so you can move forward.
Overcoming a voluntary abortion doesn’t mean forgetting, but rather learning to live with the experience, integrating it into your life story in a healthy way. It’s about reconciling with what happened and with your decision, learning to live with it. Every emotion you felt or every doubt you had is part of your journey and can teach you how to take better care of yourself in the future.
References:
(2024) Abortion Surveillance Findings and Reports. En: CDC.
Schroeder, R. et. Al. (2024) Trends in Abortion Services in the United States, 2017-2023 A report from the Abortion Facility Database Project, Advancing New Standards in Reproductive Health (ANSIRH), University of California, San Francisco.
Rocca, C. H. et. Al. (2020) Emotions and decision rightness over five years following an abortion: An examination of decision difficulty and abortion stigma. Social Science & Medicine; 248: 112704.
Reardon, D. C. (2018) The abortion and mental health controversy: A comprehensive literature review of common ground agreements, disagreements, actionable recommendations, and research opportunities. SAGE Open Med.;6:2050312118807624.
Lieberman, M. D. et. Al. (2007) Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. PsychologicalScience; 18(5): 421-428.
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