My psychologist makes me feel bad: What’s happening and what should I do?

If you’ve decided to see a psychologist, you’ve probably been mulling it over for quite some time until one day you finally decide to take the plunge. You’re also likely feeling bad or that something in your life isn’t quite right, so you assume that going to therapy will help you feel better or at least help you understand what’s happening to you and find strategies to deal with it.  

However, sometimes you may feel like you’re leaving the sessions worse than when you came in. Or you may even think, “My psychologist makes me feel bad.” Although it may be difficult to understand, that doesn’t always mean that therapy isn’t working. Sometimes, the healing process hurts. However, in other cases, it can be a sign that something is wrong. So, how do you know if it’s normal growing pains or if there’s something underlying that isn’t working?

Why does my psychologist make me feel bad?

Before you panic and think your psychologist is bad, it’s important to understand that therapy isn’t always a bed of roses. Sometimes, feeling bad is part of the process.

1. Therapy is not a mental spa

Let’s be clear: therapy isn’t like lying down for a relaxing massage. It’s more like going to an emotional gym. And, just like at the gym, sometimes you come out sore. Exploring past wounds, facing fears, or questioning deeply held beliefs can be quite uncomfortable, especially if you’ve never done it before. But, as they say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Imagine you’ve been carrying a backpack full of stones for years. Each stone represents a trauma, a fear, or a limiting belief. Therapy isn’t about conveniently taking off the backpack and forgetting about it, but rather opening it, taking out each stone, and examining it carefully. And yes, sometimes that hurts. But it’s also liberating.

In that case, the discomfort you feel isn’t always a sign that something’s wrong, but rather that you’re doing the heavy lifting you need to move forward. So, even if you sometimes leave the session with your heart on your sleeve, you could be building a lighter, more confident version of yourself.

2. Looking in the mirror hurts

A psychologist isn’t a magician, and they won’t give you instant solutions. They’re more like a mirror that shows you things you didn’t want to see. And, let’s be honest, no one looks great when they look in the mirror after a bad night or after crying.

In therapy, that mirror doesn’t reflect your face, but rather your behavior patterns, fears, conflicts, and the shadows you’d rather ignore. Seeing all of that in the face can be quite uncomfortable and even painful. But you know what? That discomfort can be a sign that you’re growing.

Only when we recognize what we don’t like can we begin to change it. So, even if you’re tempted to break that mirror because the image it reflects doesn’t suit you or doesn’t match the one you had of yourself, sometimes you just have to take a deep breath. Imagine you’re looking at the raw material of your transformation.

3. Is it the psychologist or is it me?

Sometimes, the discomfort doesn’t come from what the psychologist says, but from how we interpret it. If you’re defensive or have come to the consultation with unrealistic expectations (like, “I want solutions now”), you may feel frustrated. Therapy requires patience and, above all, honesty with yourself.

It’s easy to blame the psychologist when things don’t go as expected or don’t move at the pace we want. But what if the problem isn’t what they tell you, but how you interpret it? For example, if you expect the psychologist to give you concrete answers to complex problems, you’re likely to feel frustrated, angry, or even cheated. However, a psychologist will never tell you what to do.

Therapy isn’t an instruction manual, but a safe space for you to explore and discover your own answers. So, before blaming the therapist, ask yourself: Am I being honest with myself? Am I willing to hear what I don’t want to hear? Sometimes our resistance, fears, or expectations prevent us from seeing the value of therapy.

When to worry?

Not all discomfort in therapy is “normal,” so some situations can be a warning sign. Therefore, it’s important to know how to distinguish when discomfort is part of the emotional healing process and when, on the contrary, it’s an indication that something isn’t working.

Here are some signs to look out for:

1. Your psychologist judges you or minimizes your feelings

If when you leave the session you don’t just think, “My psychologist makes me feel bad,” but you also feel invalidated or guilty, something is wrong. Therapy should be a safe space for you to express yourself, not a tribunal where you feel judged.

If you share something deeply personal, an experience that has been difficult for you to bring to light, and your psychologist’s response is judgmental or a comment that minimizes what you feel, it will not only be discouraging, but it can also cause you to shut down emotionally.

A good therapist shouldn’t make you feel judged or undervalued. Their role is to listen, support you, validate your emotions, and help you understand them, not criticize them. If emotional invalidation has taken hold and you don’t feel comfortable expressing yourself, it’s time to question whether this is the space you need to heal.

2. You don’t progress, but rather feel stuck.

If after several sessions you still feel the same or worse, it’s time to ask yourself if a therapeutic approach is the right one for you. Therapy doesn’t resolve things overnight, but you should notice some progress over time. You can’t wait a year of treatment to feel better.

If after weeks you still feel stuck in the same loop of thoughts and emotions, it’s possible that the approach your therapist is following isn’t the best fit for your needs and personality traits.

You should know that there are different types of therapies, and not all of them work equally well for everyone. Likewise, not all psychologists—no matter how good and professional they are—are a good fit for every patient. If you feel like you’re going around in circles, you might want to seek a second opinion.

3. You feel worse ALL the time

A little discomfort is normal, but if each session leaves you devastated and without the tools to manage that discomfort, something isn’t working. It’s normal for some sessions to be more intense than others. You’ll make more progress in some, and less in others. That’s part of the process.

However, if every time you leave therapy you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and helpless to cope with what you’re feeling, it’s a sign that something isn’t right. Therapy shouldn’t leave you in a constant state of anxiety.

A good psychologist will not only help you explore your emotions but also provide you with tools to manage them. And they should generally ensure that you leave the session feeling good. If you feel like you’re swimming in turbulent waters without a lifeline to cling to, it’s time to reevaluate your treatment.

What to do if your psychologist makes you feel bad?

Feeling unwell in therapy can be confusing and frustrating, especially when you’re looking for relief and support. But before you throw in the towel or send your therapist packing, it’s important to take a breath and calmly analyze the situation.

• Talk to your psychologist. Yes, I know. Talking about your feelings with someone who makes you feel bad sounds like asking a fox to guard your chickens. But it’s important. A good psychologist will be receptive to your concerns and adjust their approach if necessary. If they don’t, maybe it’s time to find another one.
• Review your expectations. What did you expect from therapy? Quick fixes? Someone telling you what to do with your life? Therapy is a process of soul-searching, not a dispenser of answers. Discuss openly what you expect from treatment with your psychologist. If they’re a good professional, they’ll help you adjust your expectations and explain exactly what you can expect from the process.
• Give yourself time. Psychological therapy isn’t a 100-meter dash, but rather a marathon. You’ve likely been nursing these conflicts, problems, and negative emotions for years, so they won’t disappear so easily. Give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable, to doubt yourself, and to make mistakes. Ultimately, the goal of therapy isn’t to feel good all the time, but to learn to manage the moments when you feel bad.
• Consider changing professionals. Not all psychologists are the same, and not all are a good fit for everyone. If after speaking with your therapist you still feel unwell, don’t be afraid to seek another professional. Psychological therapy can be like finding the perfect pair of shoes: sometimes you have to try on several.

In short, if your therapist makes you feel bad, don’t assume the worst. But don’t ignore or minimize your emotions either. Therapy is a journey, and like any journey, there are sometimes bumps. But if the road becomes too steep, it’s okay to look for a new map or a new guide. The important thing is to keep moving forward at your own pace.